iv been lonely for a while now. i wish there was someone i could talk to who isnt diffrent from me... everyone changes so diffrently and sometimes its getting to hard to watch. i miss having someone always there to say hello to, or to talk for hours and hours about anything. i have no one now and i dont know what to do. is it really ok to be this alone all the time. will i always be alone??? being around my family is okay sometimes but they all just make me soo mad. and when i make a friend they usualy leave or i leave so it doesnt las long couple years or so. i wish there was someone who could be with me forever someone who gets me for who i am and can understand what i want. i know thats selfish to say itd be a very selfish thing to make some one to do. so im not expeting it, just wish it to happen. i cant really see my self with someone forever tho if you know what i mean. i cant see myself surrounded by people. not even my family i see my self alone till i die. i dont want that but it might just be true. if it is possible to live forever no matter the consiquese then id give anything that i have for it. my wish is that if it were granted then id do anything for that person for eternity. if you read this and just got WTF then yes im a loser who thinks to much. but doesnt the possibility of you being gone terrify you i dont want to disapear i dont want to rot in the ground. i will work everyday ill do be act slave over what if it was possible to live none stop even if it hurt everyday even if i was te ugliest person deff blind w/e chances are that is not reall but if it is plz plz help me
love katie
( *tear* )
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
my christmas
today is christmas i couldnt sleep at all last night but stayd up watching naruto was great. this moring was in a very bad mood got 100 from my parents so i have 125 for my las veges tickets just need more lol. laura gots lots and lots of presents it was weird. mom cooked breakfest and it was ok. i couldnt help my attitude today but i did sleep and it made me feel better. we went and saw avatar which i say is the greatest movie ever best 3 hours of my life!!!!!!!! kenz and i might break up ( friendship) hello she is my best friend but lately things havent been good between us. i miss the old ways how it was so easy but now its just getting harder.. iv got friends but there is no one who could ever replace her i may say things about her and be a total bitch but when it comes down to it i love her like a sister and i dont know what to do.
merry christmas to anyone who passes by lol
merry christmas to anyone who passes by lol
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
ITS MY B-DAY
yup yup i turned 18 42 mins ago lol saweet i told david im sorry and he accepted were kinda friends again. kiki left she isnt here anymore im all alone. well ok not really i now made a friend and now we all are like yay. kenz hasnt talked to me in like 3 weeks w/e anyway my birthday wish is to become a vampire lol. hahaha
Friday, December 11, 2009
DEAR SOMEONE
i also didnt write this i copied this from >>> I definately did not write this... but its really good... i copied it from rainbowemo who copied it from someone else... just read it... its awesome
dear someone,
i know you probably don't care.
i know you're probably busy watching tv or dealing with your own problems, or maybe you're busy laughing and chasing butterflies. maybe you spend afternoons in the grass, smelling the sun and tasting life.
maybe you don't have time to worry about me.
but i'm going to pretend you care. i just want someone to hear me, honestly.
i don't expect you to understand or care or even listen.
i'm just hoping that you will.
dear someone,
i guess i should start by telling you that i wish i didn't have to live anymore. free time is spent wondering if there's any way i could possibly suffocate myself.
i guess i should tell you that i'm sorry about this, but the problem is i'm not.
there's a constant throbbing behind my eyes. i dream of cliff jumping (i've heard it feels like flying). i sleep with ice in my nervous heart, and reality slowly fades into nightmares.
i think of life as a waterfall. hope and happiness and love fall into the hands of the people waiting below.
but fear is the only thing that falls into mine.
dear someone,
i feel alone.
everyone is caught up with someone else, and i'm left standing on the sidelines, wondering what i did wrong. people tell me to open my eyes, but when i do, everything's empty. people tell me to listen and learn, but the only thing i've learned is that denial is prettier than reality.
everyone's beautiful until you look under the mask.
dear someone,
late at night, I’m always cold. shivering. there’s never enough inside of me to keep me warm, and it’s always too quiet, too lonely.
there are only tears to hold me, comfort me, love me.
but they're never enough.
so sometimes, i'll pretend that strangers like you love me.
dear someone,
i paint shadows on my heart just to fill the empty spaces. the sad thing is, i'm still left hollow inside.
and i've decided that everyone has it wrong. see, they go around pretending things will get better and they'll make it through this and everything will befine.
except there's no guarantee that it will.
because life is not a nightmare.
the nightmare is life.
dear someone,
i just want someone to love me.
why won't anyone love me?
dear someone,
i bleed words (they're the only things i feel these days).
life is a chess game, but i've lost my queen. life is an ocean, but i can't swim. life is a battle, but i'm too tired to fight.
there isn't anything worth fighting for, anyway.
dear someone,
your silence is beautiful.
i bet you're the kind of person that knows what to say when someone's crying. i bet you draw rainbows on the hands of people just to make them smile.
i bet you're the kind of person who could shatter time and make the stars crash anddestroythings.
but i bet you're the kind of person that doesn't.
i bet you would hug me and carry me along and listen.
i wonder if you'd love me.
dear someone,
sometimes, we'll watch movies as a family. sometimes, i'll close my eyes and watch with only my ears and somehow, it's more beautiful then.
i feel protected. warm. there are no demons lurking in my mind; there's no fear to give into.
and sometimes, i'll fall asleep on his arm. sometimes, i feel like i actually belong to something.
dear someone,
dragonflies kiss my eyelids like flowers.
the sun is shining, finally, and i feel like if i went to sleep now, there wouldn't be a nightmare waiting; only a pleasant dream of secrets and held hands and understanding.
except there's another headache coming, and in another hour i'll feel alone and i'll be crying again.
the walls will have to keep me company.
after all, they love me more than any person ever will.
dear someone,
the world is hammering nails into my heart.
and sometimes, the world gives me the hammer and says,here, help yourself. it's such fun.
i'm ashamed that i never turn away.
dear someone,
my body is shaking and my heart is curled up into a ball in my chest, sleeping.
i cover my ears and try to shut everything out,
but the muffled sounds still sink in, still terrify me.
dear someone,
darkness is calling. i won't bother you anymore.
goodbye.
love always,
no one.
dear someone,
i know you probably don't care.
i know you're probably busy watching tv or dealing with your own problems, or maybe you're busy laughing and chasing butterflies. maybe you spend afternoons in the grass, smelling the sun and tasting life.
maybe you don't have time to worry about me.
but i'm going to pretend you care. i just want someone to hear me, honestly.
i don't expect you to understand or care or even listen.
i'm just hoping that you will.
dear someone,
i guess i should start by telling you that i wish i didn't have to live anymore. free time is spent wondering if there's any way i could possibly suffocate myself.
i guess i should tell you that i'm sorry about this, but the problem is i'm not.
there's a constant throbbing behind my eyes. i dream of cliff jumping (i've heard it feels like flying). i sleep with ice in my nervous heart, and reality slowly fades into nightmares.
i think of life as a waterfall. hope and happiness and love fall into the hands of the people waiting below.
but fear is the only thing that falls into mine.
dear someone,
i feel alone.
everyone is caught up with someone else, and i'm left standing on the sidelines, wondering what i did wrong. people tell me to open my eyes, but when i do, everything's empty. people tell me to listen and learn, but the only thing i've learned is that denial is prettier than reality.
everyone's beautiful until you look under the mask.
dear someone,
late at night, I’m always cold. shivering. there’s never enough inside of me to keep me warm, and it’s always too quiet, too lonely.
there are only tears to hold me, comfort me, love me.
but they're never enough.
so sometimes, i'll pretend that strangers like you love me.
dear someone,
i paint shadows on my heart just to fill the empty spaces. the sad thing is, i'm still left hollow inside.
and i've decided that everyone has it wrong. see, they go around pretending things will get better and they'll make it through this and everything will befine.
except there's no guarantee that it will.
because life is not a nightmare.
the nightmare is life.
dear someone,
i just want someone to love me.
why won't anyone love me?
dear someone,
i bleed words (they're the only things i feel these days).
life is a chess game, but i've lost my queen. life is an ocean, but i can't swim. life is a battle, but i'm too tired to fight.
there isn't anything worth fighting for, anyway.
dear someone,
your silence is beautiful.
i bet you're the kind of person that knows what to say when someone's crying. i bet you draw rainbows on the hands of people just to make them smile.
i bet you're the kind of person who could shatter time and make the stars crash anddestroythings.
but i bet you're the kind of person that doesn't.
i bet you would hug me and carry me along and listen.
i wonder if you'd love me.
dear someone,
sometimes, we'll watch movies as a family. sometimes, i'll close my eyes and watch with only my ears and somehow, it's more beautiful then.
i feel protected. warm. there are no demons lurking in my mind; there's no fear to give into.
and sometimes, i'll fall asleep on his arm. sometimes, i feel like i actually belong to something.
dear someone,
dragonflies kiss my eyelids like flowers.
the sun is shining, finally, and i feel like if i went to sleep now, there wouldn't be a nightmare waiting; only a pleasant dream of secrets and held hands and understanding.
except there's another headache coming, and in another hour i'll feel alone and i'll be crying again.
the walls will have to keep me company.
after all, they love me more than any person ever will.
dear someone,
the world is hammering nails into my heart.
and sometimes, the world gives me the hammer and says,here, help yourself. it's such fun.
i'm ashamed that i never turn away.
dear someone,
my body is shaking and my heart is curled up into a ball in my chest, sleeping.
i cover my ears and try to shut everything out,
but the muffled sounds still sink in, still terrify me.
dear someone,
darkness is calling. i won't bother you anymore.
goodbye.
love always,
no one.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
:)
im soo happy kiki is my friend, i prayd to god to send me someone who is like me but diffrent and i wont ever feel weird around and you know what happend. Kiki chose my skool to go to yay. lol shes awesome :).
it turns out iv made the most ceramic stuff in my class its funny. we learned to make the glaze that you glaze the ceramics with and so far iv done 3 of my ceramics in the glaze hehehe.
i need a job like badly too bad you cant get paid to write in your blog, i bet anyone would do that lol.
i need a cell phone too mine got turned off. and the next day at school i was standing out side stairing at the night sky and the moon looked so lonely. and thats how i felt and i started to cry how lamn is that im a loser. but the bad thing is i couldnt stop crying it wasnt the loud tears, but the desolate tears. you can see them but you dont hear a thing.
my family is like pissing me off really badly.
i have been watching anime its getting better and better
well love katie lol
it turns out iv made the most ceramic stuff in my class its funny. we learned to make the glaze that you glaze the ceramics with and so far iv done 3 of my ceramics in the glaze hehehe.
i need a job like badly too bad you cant get paid to write in your blog, i bet anyone would do that lol.
i need a cell phone too mine got turned off. and the next day at school i was standing out side stairing at the night sky and the moon looked so lonely. and thats how i felt and i started to cry how lamn is that im a loser. but the bad thing is i couldnt stop crying it wasnt the loud tears, but the desolate tears. you can see them but you dont hear a thing.
my family is like pissing me off really badly.
i have been watching anime its getting better and better
well love katie lol
Friday, December 4, 2009
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