Iv been down lately

I think ever since he came back iv been lazy. I find that i don't want to do anything. Its my own fault for walking away. But he did not deserve my love. If he truly wanted me he would have come for me by now. Iv learned to never count on a man, he only lets you down. At time i do wish i had someone but than i don't want to become broken again. Just this pass week iv lost three friends. Three very close friends. Its been hard but its me who is pushing them away. They give me an excuse and i use that against them. Maybe deep down i understand that i could possibly be all alone for the rest of my life. But than i want to fight that thought. There isn't anything more scary than being alone. But i know i can and will do it if it comes to it. Because we all die alone were brought into this world as one and we go out as one. Sometimes i find it hard living but i could never take away my own chances at life. I am so very afraid of what will happen after i am gone. Will i not exists anymore? or is there an after life? is there immortal life if so i wish to have it. Not that i would want to be selfish but there are many great reasons for why.

iv also been having trouble with my wisdom teeth its a pain but i know how badly pain can become. so i say its at a 3 and a 1/2. Im afraid to go to a dentist tho. o.0 it will also cost allot for which we do not have enough money to pay for it. My father says the longer i wait there more a chance il have of dieing. he says people die of tooth infection. That could be a cause of my small liver failure. scary dont you think