hate this time

I really hate it when i get sick. I mean i was fine yesterday morning than i fell asleep and woke up with a horrible throat ache now next day im cold and have a head ache :( with soar throat sometimes it lessens but nope o.0. its all most christmas :) but my dad has been bugging me horribly he makes fun of me oh your so fat and all you do is eat all day i seen yo in that kitchen eating all the food. IM LIKE FUCK YOU THERE ISNT ANY FOOD IN THIS GOD DAMN HOUSE HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I CAN EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. he pissses me off i should get a job to get away from him life would be so much better. oh yea im 20 now wooot woot i got a new cell phone its awesome :). dylan wished me a happy birthday we talked some than i told him to leave me the hell alone and blocked him :) yup yup i want to be loved and cherished he couldnt give me that soo he didnt deserve me. iv grown up some huh :). my nessi she is so adorble she has been so sweet to me loving on me i took her out of my room and let her play in the house but she went right back to my door and cried to be let in silly huh i love her so much my little baby kitten she is now a cat iguess like 4 months old lol she use to be soooooo tiny lol

bored mostly

IV been up to nothing. Been home allot and just bleh. I like kyle but he has not spoken to me in a while and its annoying. :/ my evil three cats keep me up at night nessi and nacie are so annoying. ug. now im watching neverland its like peter pan but like how he got there and how it all started out. o.0

eh bad times good times who knows

Iv been watching mychonny youtube videos i have to say hes amamzing. he has 3 channels if anyone reads this look him up. :) iv also kinda sorta like this boy :) thats good right. i have to move on from the past bc you know what ppl from the past should just shut the fuck up and never come around. iv been alot better these days not as great as some ppl. but not bad i mean i fight with my brother allot but its bc of the slut. i mean who does she think she is coming in and making fun of me yelling at my niece who was at the time 6 years old she was in tears. and my brother defends the slut. i mean come on you know what she told me. She told me she was rapped by all her moms ex bfs. I mean you dont tell someone that the first week you know them so i know she was lying and another way i know she is lying is she is to ugly for anyone want to rape her i mean come one who wants to rape a boy look alike. o.0 i mean if your into that good for you. and also shes to young for that crap to young to be lying to ppl like that. she is totaly messed up. she has my brother in love with her. i mean she used him so bad and we thought it was done and over with but once her and her bf broke up my brother runs over to her house oh huni im here sweetie let me take care of you. Oh your mom slapped you so mean of her (me im saying you deserved that you slut stop using my bro and stop sleeping around with all the fake old men XD). i cant stand ppl are they stupid or something i mean come on really. why the fuck would you mess with me you do a family history on me and i got some interesting family memebers i mean we come from the lee family and there the ones who are freaking crazy then on both sides i mean crazy kill you dead kind of ppl o.0. and shes fucking messing with me. come on why do you think my neighbers keep moving :) jk joking lol ok not so much joking the one bitch moved bc i hated her my whole family hated her. she totaly lied about me. saying all this shit to everyone in the neighberhood but you know what they know me and i aint that kind of person i dont steal or anything. and she even accused my niece of steeling when it was her stupid ass kids that came over and put there stupid shit in the bushes to hid it from her that stupid cunt. im so glad her husband is leaving her and she really is crazy shes on crazy pills and they moved to get away from me just think if the slut was older id kick her ass.

breaking dawn tour

Just got home from the breaking dawn cast and concert tour. It was amazing and horrible at the same time. I mean the red carpet walk threw for the stars i was to short to see and there was way to meny ppl who were there with out tickets wtf right?. and than every one was going in and they have to check tickets so took forever. Jess mom and laura went too. laura kept crying and jess was getting mad to where she just wanted to leave. but we stayed and i think it was so worth it. it had alice, jasper, the dad, rosealie and a voltita dude. and three bands it was so cool.

breaking dawn concert woo

I sat in line in the snow for freaking hours for breaking dawn concert tickets. It was well worth the hours of wait. I was also by a very handsome guy XD to bad he was married we had some things in common lol. well it stared fri night we went there to wait but it started to rain it was horrible. but it was cool to the girls next to us put up a tent. and this guy wouldnt stop flirting with her pretty funny. And other than freezing our asses off it was going good till it started to rain the guy came out and told us he would give us wrist bands and that we could go home come back at 6 am and be first in line. so we went home. i tried to sleep but kept waking up every 30 mins which sucked. we had fun sitting there in the snow storm tho this girl got a tarp and threw it over us we had an umbrella but it was a prettty shitie one lol. the tickets werent given out till 10 am so we were there a while. my ipod got new music which rocks. I let my kitten nancy run around my room she is so tiny. Im afriad she might die she has such a fat tummy idk what to do mom wont take her to vet it cost to much. been talking to ex sigh thats drama. been talking to new ppl there some drama there too

Happy Halloween

yup today is Halloween. And so far its been long. I was woken up at 8 am to take my niece to school, and to watch her parade at the school. Then we were asked to stay and help do the Halloween party. So we did my sister and i were in the same group and it was where the children got a paper plate and colored a ghost face on it then cut out arms and glued them on with streamers. Which was somewhat annoying children in 1st grade are somewhat annoying with there child like voices except my niece when she was born she was spoken to like an adult she speaks wonderfully. Well after they all madethere ghost and played bingo and made spider candy they went to play while we put cup cakes and cookies and drinks on there tables. My sister and i then left to go home. When we got home dad was in bad mood he had to mop the house bc the party took so long. then i cleaned did some personal things hung with my sister and trever. Went out to lunch at the chinese food place was good but i made the noodle stir fry tooo hot. somewhat hung out with grams and gramps. then we did our haunted walk threw it was cool. i really wanted to take my niece trick or treating but i didnt get to my friend did for me. i instead let ppl into our haunted walk threw. We had a donation thing for next years haunt we made some money so my father and i will go buy a prop for next years haunt. :) i had fun today with every one. but some parts were lonely. i also learned that nick the guy iv been talking to doesnt really want to be in a relationship with anyone which made me very sad but i think i like him. dont get me wrong i still love dylan but he wont be with me. all he wants from me is sex and no im not gonna he treats me like shit until he can treat me like im the princess or whatever i wont be with him ever again. but now im sad bc nick doesnt date. sigh idk what to do. wish me luck on my hardships which isnt bad XD

love katie

:0

been going to more haunted houses hehe so much fun i love them. our own personal haunted house is coming along very well. :) i gave away 5 of the 7 kittens were keeping one of them. she so cute omg. last night i had her on the table and she climbed into a pumpkin Xd i wanted to take a pic but she wouldnt sit still lol. Iv been up and down you know happy sad tears laughing but i think im ok. Its those stupid meds my doc gives me but there higher dose so lol lets see what happens. Im excited for Halloween its gonna be awesome. OH i won two contest i dont remember if i wrote that in here yet XD. if so than ooops but thats ok.

bored allot lately

I have been up to nothing. But went to another haunted house the haunted forest lets just say that slide really hurt. Iv won a katy perry contest i received a signed cd a shirt a bag and allot of other stuff. Another one of my poems is hopefully getting published i have to reply to there message but mother isnt helping sigh. so life is ok just boring every single day is the same thing. i wake up at 8 or before that i get up get on computer or take pills either play on facebook gaia myyearbook or watch anime or shows then take my pill than more pills after noon ends then either still be on computer or watching tv until mom gets home than i hang with her and dad sometimes laura than back to computer or tv that is my day every day. Pretty shitie isnt my life sucks. Its not much of a live huh i hope for better days better people better friends and better things to do and see wish me luck XP

love katie

haunted houses fun :P

We went to nightmare on 13th, its a very scary haunted house XP. Ok Ok i laughed all the way threw. But sad part is my friend didnt go she bailed on me. Sad day huh. Im having a really hard time. I miss him but than i dont lol is it possible to want someone around but dont want them around lol. Im silly i know.
We also are saleing three puppy's. very cute hope someone buys them.
i went to job interview at target but im most sure i didnt get the job i swear no one will ever give me the chance i need. sigh life is hard i wish i never had to work i wish i could travel the world see things do things meet new ppl ah the life. Any rich men need a wife XD. any way im excited for halloween but i feel like something is suppose to happen i feel it but i dont think it will why cant my life be filled with magic now than that would be something :)

oh and a pic from haunted house

Iv been down lately

I think ever since he came back iv been lazy. I find that i don't want to do anything. Its my own fault for walking away. But he did not deserve my love. If he truly wanted me he would have come for me by now. Iv learned to never count on a man, he only lets you down. At time i do wish i had someone but than i don't want to become broken again. Just this pass week iv lost three friends. Three very close friends. Its been hard but its me who is pushing them away. They give me an excuse and i use that against them. Maybe deep down i understand that i could possibly be all alone for the rest of my life. But than i want to fight that thought. There isn't anything more scary than being alone. But i know i can and will do it if it comes to it. Because we all die alone were brought into this world as one and we go out as one. Sometimes i find it hard living but i could never take away my own chances at life. I am so very afraid of what will happen after i am gone. Will i not exists anymore? or is there an after life? is there immortal life if so i wish to have it. Not that i would want to be selfish but there are many great reasons for why.

iv also been having trouble with my wisdom teeth its a pain but i know how badly pain can become. so i say its at a 3 and a 1/2. Im afraid to go to a dentist tho. o.0 it will also cost allot for which we do not have enough money to pay for it. My father says the longer i wait there more a chance il have of dieing. he says people die of tooth infection. That could be a cause of my small liver failure. scary dont you think

why??

Why is it so hard to let go?
why do i keep asking for more pain?
why cant i move on why is he always in my mind
its like im stuck on replay and its all a game
but its not i love him so much and this sucks
bc when i was with him i always cried
but i had never been so happy
all i wanted was to always be in his arms
i miss kissing him huging him laying in his arms
god i miss him
all i wanted was to see him more bc when i seen him there was no worries
or ever a call i love his voice sigh.....
what can i do

eh

theres a poem contest and i want to enter it but i havent writen a poem in a long time. and i simply dont want it to be about all that bull shit that those idiots write about all the time ahhh he left shes gone life cant go on wtf idiots. sorry lol lets hope i can come up with something lol

bad day

yesterday i fell down the stairs sigh. hurt my leg my arms and my head. silly right im almost 20 and im still falling down the stairs. well i blame the water and flip flops. lol. been really down since dylan is gone again. cant help it everyday i wish for him. and everyday im reminded im not worth it :( it hurts so much but i have to try right i told him id try. because i want him happy and i couldnt make him happy oh how i love him..... well im thinking i might just have to leave. i mean utah you know find a place a job maybe get my licence first XD and a car than just drive away and never look back. I love those kind of storys shes pregent runs away from home living in the car finds a job and stays falls in love sigh. why cant life be that way yes its hard but thats what makes us who we are supposed to be...

to wish for something that will never happen
or wish that it never happend?

love katie

grr face

I keep thinking about him my ex. Sigh at least it doesnt hurt as bad as it did before. I guess you learn to live with heartache sigh. i miss him so much.... is that bad to miss him and love him so much that everything else doesnt matter. i hope one day he will find happiness from my actions i most likely could never make him happy no matter how much i loved him love him. I just wish he would of done everything possible to be with me even if it was hard even if it ment lonelyness he would of still been mine.sigh
my sister wanted to know if i was still talking to him i wanted to cry.... love sucks when you have to push them away for there own good i want the best for him the very best. If that ment me not being in his life than id do it. it sucks tho i wish that he would just come over grab me and never let go but that wont happen. Happily ever after is a lie. You dont get the perfect man, bc he leaves. You dont get a happy ending bc there are none. and fairy tails are better kept to the pages of the books.

But if i had one wish id wish for him,
if i had one last kiss, id save it for him,


love katie

i still care

i still care about him.. iv ruined it but at least he will be happy. He was one of those few guys who were good. there arnt that meny if i could of kept him all to my self i would of.

im going to see the movie that iv wanted to see with him since febuary the cowboys and aliens. lets hope i dont cry all i wanted was to do that with him lol.

i love him always lets seee how long itl hurt forever but there will be others but it wont be the same. and this time im not looking for forever i gave that up

gaia

ok im hooked on these games on gaiaonline.com sure maybe there lame but hey i cant help my self.

then, now

My ex who i love dearly is gone. He was my longest relationship. The best one iv had so far. With him i was less shy. I got to try new things, do new things. I'm thankful for that for him. He was in my life for only a while. Id never been so happy. I felt less alone and it was a wonderful feeling while it lasted. I hope that i can find someone like him. Maybe a little diff you know XD. But i do love who he is everything about him was wonderful. Even the stuff i hated, sure i didn't want him to change i just wanted him to be closer to me. And in doing that i think that might be the main reason i lost him. But im told to think of it this way "He Lost You" meaning me. I know its nothing special but hey at least i tr-yd. I do get hot tempered but that's because it runs in the family. We hurt, we cry, we bitch, and moan about everything. Its who we are. On a brighter note i know what i want right now. I want a job, i want money, a car. And soon hopefully ill find someone who wants me to. :) life isn't easy for me im shy, and i hardly get out of the house since i was a little girl. Im afraid of people walk away, so many have done that. And so i guess im hard on my bf's past and mostly likely future ones. Were all looking for that one special person and when they walk away its hard. I know he left but i wasn't his most special girl. Im someone else s most special girl. :) im not giving up on finding him my new most special man. I wonder tall or short XD i do love Irish men lets see what happens.


Love,

Katie

i hate girls

dylans ex might be pregnant with his child i say might cuz im praying she slept with another guy even tho she said she didnt there getting a dna test done...

Broken

yesterday he tells me he needs space. that he cant be with me anymore. its not you its me really haha. that he only needs it for a little while. i feel like bella who lost edward. i even had a nightmare and i cant sleep and all i do is cry. oh god everything is ruined. He says he will come back to me but to leave me in the first place what will stop him from doing it again i dont trust him anymore. and that breaks my heart all over again. what if there is someone else or its cuz im not skinny or that im far away or that i try to talk to him everyday. he said he didnt mind that that he liked it. Im not ok this time the other times yea i wasnt ok but this time my family knew him.... i thought we were each others ones. He told me he wanted me to be his last. i wanted him to be mine tooo. he tells me i dont have to wait for him. what does that mean that hes really not coming back to me. that it was a lie god i cant handle this. iv done the only thing i could do iv packed my bags im leaving he wants space how 3 hours away of space of driving tho hahaha im going to my grandmas house in couple hours i still need to check if i have everything..... well i cant be here he has laid on my bed walked around my room sat on my couch petted all my dogs i see this and i cry cry cry. i want him back but will he really come back everything is ruined and my life is over yes im being a dramatic fool but i cant help it he ment more too me than anyone did now i have nothing

parents suck

my parents are just rude. they keep trying to kick me out, which i have nowhere to go. i swear i hate them. I am not going to there easter thing im staying home. Dylan said if it was up to him he would let me stay with his family. which is not up to him. Sad part is if i move out i dont have insurance and so i cant go to doctors or pay for my pills which one of um without insurance is like 80 dollars so um.... wtf idk what to do this just sucks i really need to find a job so i can not be home with them i hate being around them always yelling at me and expecting me to do stuff for them like clean the whole house wash there cloths sometimes cook for them do i look like there maid hell no they depend on me to much im saving up im moving out i just wont go to doctors anymore ill be fine for a while

love

Dylan is the best part of my day. I hope he is mine always. i love him so much and the other day when kenz ditched me he had said he would see me no matter what. and when he couldnt that day i burst into tears and couldnt stop crying all day long. Iv never done that usualy when i get canceled im ok but when its him ahh i love him. is it bad to say i want to merry him.... that is the scariest thing i ever want.

sure

everything so far is good. iv been together with dylan for a month now since the 14th so its good. sad part is my cat has gone missing so the next day him and i are gonna put posters up with a reward for her return. i think that it sucks but its ok oooooo in pain stumpic omg

sure

everything so far is good. iv been together with dylan for a month now since the 14th so its good. sad part is my cat has gone missing so the next day him and i are gonna put posters up with a reward for her return. i think that it sucks but its ok oooooo in pain stumpic omg

aww cute right

dylan asked me to be his girlfriend on feb 14 how cute is that and so far its the longest relationship iv had so far sad but hey w/e. idk if he realy likes me im afraid he might not but i like him so much. wish me luck i think i might love him... ahah

love katie

hes sweet

Iv meet a really sweet man. and i like him very much. hehe

sigh

its been and up and down event since my birthday. jared is an ass who will always remain that. today he was cryin because he lost the girl he thought he was to marry. I of course laughed. and i find that i like dylan so be happy for me

...

It turns out i also have a liver problem my kidney is looking okay. I have to lose 100 pounds sounds hard is hard but have too. Really want a bf.. talking to zach again which kinda sucks but hey cant have everything i want which would be him but hahaha gave up. Jared was a fun time but that ended which sucked bc first guy i didnt fall in love with easily i never loved him which is weird usually i love so fast. which isnt bad bc i know its real love so i was stumped for the first time. iv been up to nothing my throat is still soar from when i was sick which was back b4 my b-day weird sigh.